Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Estavan: I'm back...

Hey ya'll! So as you may have noticed...I've been M.I.A Well where to begin? As you all may have figured out by the little talk I had with CC last week, I in fact am of the homosexual orientation. That is right...I am gay. Shocking I know! Just to get it out there, I don't personally like it when people refer to is a "sexual preference." That implies that I prefer to be attracted to men, of course, that is not that case; however, within the past few weeks I have began to be curious about women. Well "woman" more so than "women." I'm not sure how to really describe what I've been feeling for this girl. She contacted me through facebook. We went to school together, HIGH SCHOOL! Well she added me as a friend and vice versa. I'm sure you are familiar with the working of facebook. So moving on...we began to email each other, sorta instant emailing. I had to cut it short because I had to head out to work, she emailed me her phone number and I did the same. The next day she sent me a text and for the past two weeks we have been corresponding throughout the day. She told me, on the first day of texting, that she was hurt because I had stopped talking to her my senior year in high school, I did not know that I had done so. I could be a bit of an ass, so hey excuse me for not keeping up with my reasoning for detaching from people. I'm pretty good at that. Anywho, she told me I had contacted her four days before my graduation, let me remind you-high school graduation, and she thought I was calling her to reconcile our friendship. Wrong, I had called her to ask her for her cousin's contact info to invite him to my graduation. Hahaha, I am an ass! The reason why she was so hurt was because she really liked me, well in her words, she LOVED ME. I was really surprised by that. I really had no idea. Well I apologized. For some reason, as we have conversed back and forth for the past few weeks, this interest for her has crept. Problem is I'm not really sure what it means. I'm currently dating a guy, or as he likes to say, we are getting to know each other. He's never dated a guy before so he's really careful on how he words things. Labeling us to soon could scare him off! I'm beginning to have feelings for him. I mean my physical attraction is with men, but having this old friend come back into the picture has reminded me of what a relationship is like with a woman. Since coming out four years ago, I have yet to find a stable relationship with a man. The guy I am seeing now is typical of the guys I attract and am attracted to. I find someone who is smitten by me and is willing to "give it a try" with me. I come into their lives and for some reason they see me as...forget it, I'm not going there right now. I'll leave that for another day. Just wanted to let you know that this gay man might just be turning back....YEAH RIGHT! Or am I...

9 comments:

  1. Turn back brother, turn back. At least try women again man. Not to be critical but...is there anything better than puss??? Ok, maybe that was a bad question but I would at least like to see you entertain this woman cuz hell your not married and you still could go either way. Keep hittin her up on facebook and go from there, it worked for me. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha...thanks for reading man. I might just do that but we're gonna have to see.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I disagree with Mandingo, Estevan if you're unsure of your attraction to women don't experiment with her. SHE LOVES YOU! atleast tell her you're bi so she's not compltely shocked!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pinky and the BrainOctober 21, 2009 at 5:08 PM

    Yes put it all on the table and tell her. So if she still chooses to get involved... she would have known what could happen

    ReplyDelete
  5. These comments are showing a great array of people's perspectives.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The last thing I want to do is play with anyone's emotions/feelings. I thank you all for the interest and the feedback. I'm gonna take it by ear and see what happens.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Do NOT do it! Either be gay or be straight! You can going playing with people's lives. What if she falls for you and later you realize it was just curiosity?

    ReplyDelete
  8. u need to make a decision quick some people fall faster than others and it sounds like this girl may fall faster for u than the guy. And if u really dont want to hurt anyones feelings it is just best to tell them uup front that this is a friendship until YOU decide to move things forward.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mmmm, so are you sure you're gay? Seems to me you were just curious about men and not women, kind of like a phase. Either that or you are just placing all your emotions on her cause that is really what you are looking for in a man. She's giving you what you want, what you need. But would it be fair? I just see hurt in both your futures if you persue this romantically. She will be crushed for the second time and you will be hurt by your selfishness.

    ReplyDelete