CC sits down with Cupid’s Chronicle cast member Esteban as he breaks his silence & speaks candidly about love in the gay community!
CC: How long have you known you were gay?
Esteban: I’ve known forever. I was about 6 or 7 when I realized I was different.
CC: Did you ever date women?
Esteban: yea I did. Not a lot but a few. I guess it was just enough to cover it up. I had a few in college & had a long term girlfriend of about 3 and a half years.
CC: Do you think she ever knew you were gay?
Esteban: No. She would make comments sometimes like “oh you’re so gay” but that phrase is used sometimes to refer to a certain thing that a guy might do that is feminine. Not that I’m feminine but I guess certain things that I did.
CC: I must say you’re not very feminine at all. I’ve seen some pretty feminine ones before.
Esteban: yea (laugh)
CC: So sex! Did you have to fake it? Did you have to think of a man to get the job done?
Esteban: yea that was weird. Usually… (pause) well it depends on the sex; if it was quick and to the point, you know a “nooner” type thing in between work I could do the job without thinking about guys. If it was more of a passionate love making session then, yea it’s kind of bad to say, but I would definitely have an image of that guy walking down the hall or some guy I saw on TV.
CC: Did it feel good with a woman?
Esteban: It did. It did. All my (physical) senses are down there so it works. It’s just the mind that wasn’t there.
Down Low Men
CC: Have you ever dated any “Down Low” Men? If so, how do you feel about the DL phemonenom?
Esteban: I have. I can’t say I have dated any DL men but I have definitely messed around with them. It’s just funny. It kind of feeds off of that ‘every gay man wants a straight man’ thing. A down low man is the closest thing to a straight man. They’re usually married with kids and live a ‘straight’ life.
More on Down Low men when you click READ MORE!
CC: Were these men you messed with married?
Estaben: Yes, Yes. A few of them were. I mean its fun. It’s exciting. You kind of know it will just be sex with them and that’s it.
CC: So give me a little more on DL men. You say with them you know it’s just going to be sex. Behind close doors are they ever affectionate towards you? Or is it always wham bam thank you….sir?
Esteban: (laugh) I mean its normal just like any man. There’s kissing, hugging you know. I’ve had a guy who was straight to the point but for the most part it’s normal.
CC: So are down low men gay?
Esteban: I think they are. Some are bi. I think they’re scared. There are stigmas associated with being gay and they don’t want to go through that. They’re in a way (pause) cowardly.
CC: What do you think straight men can learn from gay men?
Estaben: I think ultimately gay men are men. So we act the same way any man does. It’s the same thing. Take me for example, I’m open to communication or so I think but when it comes time for me to actually say what and how I feel…I shut down. Just like any man.
CC: Leave us with your thoughts. Clear up some misperceptions that the straight community may have about the gay community.
Esteban: I think for the most part, gay men want to be happy, we want to find someone. It’s just hard. It’s just like the straight community we go through the same things you’ll go through. Our love is the same. We have the same feelings. We want the same ending. That’s it.